Return of the Zombie Onion…

In order to write the ending to this story – the one with the Return of the Zombie Onion – I have to lead you to a previous blog that went out on my Cassie Ryan site but I don’t think too many of you saw…so here it is, reproduced, and after that – the ending of this very odd story…  So stay tuned…

When You Find an Onion in Your Bed:

August 20, 2013:

Welcome to my off the wall blog.  We had some excitement at the Gerow household last week and since it made my critique group laugh out loud I thought it might make good blog fodder….

My son, Darian has to feed his slithery (that’s snake for those of you not terrified of the things!)  Anyway, he has to feed it one live mouse once a week.  There’s a local reptile house that supplies them for $2 a mouse.  So no problem, right?

Okay – I’ve come to terms with that fact, after all, slithery (which is named Inconnu) needs to eat just like anything else.  It’s the circle of life.  We just don’t get attached to the mice.  Darian always gives them food names like banana, pickle, onion etc.  Well, last week on D’s 19th birthday he decided that he would feed Inconnu before we went to get his first tattoo.  No problem, right?  Slithery has been a very quick eater since he shed his skin several weeks ago, so Darian figured Inconnu would be digesting by the time we left for his appointment.

Well, apparently slithery wasn’t feeling up to eating on that night so we had to take Onion out of the tank – if you leave the mouse in there with a snake who isn’t up to eating him right then, the mouse can actually start to eat the snake. :(

So, Darian, distracted and excited about his coming tattoo appointment, put the mouse back in the little brown paper bag the reptile house put him in, stapled i shut and left it on his bed….yeah – you can all see where this is going…

When we got home, Onion had chewed his way out of the paper bag and was loose in the house somewhere…sigh…  I think Darian was more worried about telling us than about the mouse stalking around in his room somewhere.

We figured Nox (our black 4 year old cat) would make a snack out of Onion and all would be done, but we never found any “remains” or evidence that she’d found him.  After all, while she is a little predator with full claws and teeth, she’s never SEEN a mouse, so I wasn’t so sure how that was going to work out…

Several days ago Nox was acting weird when my husband, Jon, was getting ready for work, so he moved a box in the living room and Onion ran out and slipped under the refrigerator…sigh…

Nox would hang out in the kitchen trying to look under there but soon lost interest when Onion refused to make an appearance.

So a few days ago, Jon woke up at about 3am, jumping up because something was “crawling on him”   We turned on the light and found Onion on the bed and heading toward me.  I’m not usually squeamish about mice, but there’s something about finding one on your bed at 3am that just isn’t pleasant.  I’m just happy that I didn’t give in to a girly squeak or a scream – although I did jump up and encourage Jon when he  started to reach for Onion.

Anyway, Jon grabs him, and Onion promptly bites the shit out of him.  I opened the front door and Jon deposited him outside…okay, threw would be more accurate.

Yeah – I’m glad Onion is outside now, but I do sort of feel bad for the little guy.  I’m not sure if he found his way over to the cat’s food and water bowl over the previous week, but he was probably just scared, hungry and thirsty, and now we’ve released him into the cruel world where several feral cats live around the complex.  Yes, I know he was going to be food anyway, but like I said, the slithery is VERY quick about his meals normally, so it would’ve been over in seconds if he’d gone that way.  I was up for several hours after the “incident” trying not to be creeped out.  I kept reminding myself that there were no more mice in the house that could crawl on us in the middle of the night, but every time I thought I felt something crawling on the covers I flinched.  The poor cats were rattled for several hours after that too.  Especially poor Nox who was sort of jumpy. Probably because of all the commotion and because Daddy (she’s a total Daddy’s cat) was a bit rattled too, although I think he finally made it back to sleep.)

Anyway – that was our excitement for last week and I’m happy to say this week that “Pizza” met his demise within seconds and is NOT wandering free around our house.

October 8, 2013

Return of the Zombie Onion

Argh!!!!

I’m seriously gonna have nightmares now…

To preface this you need to know that for the last several weeks, Inconnu hasn’t been interested in eating.  So we’ve ended up setting the last three mice, Pocki, Cherry and Pumpkin in the greebelt outside our apartment complex.

Anyway – tonight I went to the Valley of the Sun Romance Writer’s monthly meeting.  My friend, Bev Petrone dropped me off at home afterwards.  It’s always murky by our front door.  There’s a light out by the sidewalk but you sometimes have to try a few times to get the key into the lock.  Anyway, I noticed something white on the brown welcome mat.  It fluttered slightly in the breeze and almost looked like a flower of some type??  I couldn’t imagine someone dropping a flower on our doorstep, but out of curiosity I nudged it with my foot – didn’t want to crush it if it DID happen to be a flower dropped there.

To my surprise it moved AND looked up at me.  Huh??  I stumbled back a few steps while my brain made sense of what I was seeing.  It was a mouse!  A small, white mouse!!  And it was looking at me pathetically.  Ack!!!!  It looked a bit drunk as it walked, not zippy and scared like mice are supposed to be, especially if you nudge it with your shoe!!

Eyeing the mouse nervously I fumbled my key into the lock and bolted inside, shutting the door behind me and locking it before looking down at the entryway to make sure he hadn’t followed me inside.

My hubby was already asleep since he gets up early for work, so I beelined for kidlet’s bedroom and waited for him to be astonished at what I had found.  Only he wasn’t astonished – it had been there when he got home earlier!!

ACK!!  Was this one of the three we had set free in the past few weeks?  Or was this Onion coming back to stalk us for tossing him outside into the cruel, cruel world?

Now I’m scared we’re being haunted by a tiny zombie mouse named Onion out for revenge!!  I just keep seeing that little pathetic face looking at me and I’m racked with guilt but I’m also scared I’m going to wake up and find that little guy climbing on me or Jon again…

Sigh…  So much for a good night’s sleep…

Why do these things happen to us??  Maybe so I can have good blog fodder?  I wonder if this is why Kayce Lassiter has hilarious online dating experiences – more great blog fodder.

This is why I need more Butterscotch Martinis…

And on that note, I’m going to bed to spend a sleepless night watching the shadows and hoping the cats will guard me – but knowing they didn’t do us much good last time!!

4 responses to “Return of the Zombie Onion…

  1. I can’t believe you didn’t even squeak! I really get grossed out with mice. This is a bad time of the year for them here. When the crops come off and it starts turning cold…they come to people’s houses.

  2. I think I was just more afraid to bring attention to myself…snicker :)

  3. Maybe you should have asked Onion in for a nightcap – ‘snicker’

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